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Showing posts from 2016

My first killing spree

I stared at him with intense anger. So this is it. How could he decide to invite himself into our home and begin to turn my once perfect life into a once upon a time fairy tale. He squinted his tiny eyes probably to reduce the amount of light rays entering his eyes and smacked his lips. I had been watching him for a while, his palms were always folded. What did he have in his palms that he did not want anyone to see? He will not hide it forever, I had been planning a hostage take over to see what he has been hiding in his palms by force. I am Nnanna and most likely not my parent's favourite."No you don't get to drink tea three times a day any more. Okwy needs more milk", she would oppose each time I whined about wanting to drink tea.
No more cartoon network because Okwy is sleeping and shouldn't be woken up. I get to stay thirty minutes longer in school before I get picked simply because Okwy needs attention. It is ok to throw tantrum, it is just a way to exercis…

Boomerang 3

I lowered my head and we locked lips. I tried to pull away but she pulled me in the more. I smiled and disengaged myself from her hold.

She looked displeased, "Why did you stop?"

"Ma'am! I don't think this is right", I told her with confidence.

"Why? I have waited and longed for this moment. Or are you the 21st century Joseph who is scared of ......"

"Potiphar,I presume", Chief chipped in as he stepped in unannounced and applauded the witnessed performance.

"Kate Winslet or Jennifer Aniston? I see you make a fine love scene actress", he continued.

"Chief, I.........", I was cut short by a way of his hand.

His eyes burned with fury, he looked at her with utter disdain. "A dog will always remain a dog", he sneered and spat on her face then walked out on us.

Confusion was the only thing I could put my hands on. Madam walked away too and I was left to anticipate what would happen next.

The silent treatment had …

Helping hands or holding hands?

It was just last week. I set up a quiz for the pupils I teach. Teaching had never been something I looked forward to but it found me. I can tell you that despite I find myself standing in front of a board each morning, I feel more like I am learning.

So, the doubts of if I relished teaching fizzled away. The experience has been fresh and worthy.

I had two groups namely A and B consisting of three pupils each for the quiz. The pupils in group A were more of the intelligent stock and group B, I called them the average stock.

Once we kicked off, group A had earned eight points leaving group B at two points.

"We will finish you, people today", Vincent snarled. He is one of the smartest kids you 'd ever meet, a fast rising Chike Obi breed and the sole provider of the answers coming from his camp. I was tempted to caution him not to talk that way to them but I restrained myself and kept watching the unfolding drama. Group B seemed to have lost hope, they all had a shadow of gl…

Boomerang 2

Another thing I feel that travels at a fast pace apart from light is sight. I caught a quick glimpse of him from afar, he walked through the crowd lazily in a flowing gown, a mean-looking man, he made a suspicious movement then pulled out a .44 magnum revolver. The speakers were blaring with Chief Obiogbolu's speech. In a swift stunt, he aimed it at Chief and fired.

I dived for my boss and rolled him over on his stomach. I felt his body quake, fear had breathed over him. We laid faced down for a while till the shootings stopped as the law enforcement agents fired shots back at the armed man.

When you are the rabbit that a tiger desires for lunch, the best option for you is to disappear into your burrow. We took the next flight to Lagos. It was obvious that the northerners didn't accept the True Nigerian Party (TNP).

The wonder about being an influential person's guard is that apart from material rewards, you also get to move around a lot. We had just returned from a trip …

A letter from John

My bucket hat donned my head. It served the scorching sun right, my scalp was not one to be burnt for no offense.

I relaxed my tired body against the board of the trawler.

James yelled at me, "Don't just sit there and watch I and father. We will still catch some fishes, you can't just lose hope",he seemed to say.

I peered at him through the corner of my eyes and closed them again. I felt cold water being sprinkled on me and I jerked up. It was father, I had no choice but stand up and join James..

I was not a man who wanted too many things. All I wanted was to catch some fishes yet the little things kept hiding and refusing to walk into the loving embrace of my fishing net. I may not desire many things but I sure desired to be loved not the kind of erotic love some of those Samaritan women would profess to men who lust after whore mongering.

I sought for a love that was pure and chaste. A type that I couldn't even explain. I sought to be loved deeply by God perhap…

Boomerang 1

I was on the fifteenth push-up and thinking of quitting, I shook off the thought and continued till I got to the twentieth and stopped. Sweat trickled down my face, armpits and biceps like water escaping from a cracked rock as my sweat glistened my skin with it's moisture. I walked straight into the wash room.

I turned the faucet,splashed water on my face and stared at the mirror. I might look fierce due to my broad chest, hairless head and wolverine beards but I certainly had eyes that melted the heart. I headed to the kitchen, made myself a cup of coffee and as I lifted the mug to my lips, I felt my phone vibrate.

Strange number! Who could this be? I picked.

"Hello, am I speaking with Thomas Badmus?", the person at the other end inquired
"Who am I speaking with?", I asked.

"This is Golgotha security holdings, your resumee has been picked by one of our clients, please can you come in for briefing?"

"Uhmmmm,sure! I will be there in the next o…

This is not fiction

"Agbara! Okoko!", the hoarse voice of the conductor yelled.

He smelled of local gin. His washed brown shirt had lost the first two buttons.

"Aunty, hold your change o...I no get time to look Uche face o", he ranted in his rude horrible voice.

I was irked. What manner of rudeness was that? I swerved to board the next bus.

"Oya! No vex, abeg enter my bus. Aunty mi to sure ju", his lip-praise continued to buzz in my ear.

I took a stern look at him and changed my mind. Just like Aurora in Maleficient, I felt driven by a spell as I moved straight to his bus and boarded. It was unusual to see me seated on the front seat but there I was.

"Boy! Load fast make we waka", the driver drummed into the ears of his loquacious conductor. I slipped out my phone and slided my long finger across the face of my phone as I scrolled down the list of missed calls.

"Horrible hectic day!", I grunted. "Driver! Carry person comot for here nah", I said …

Mrs Woobag

Call her Woobag!
He wooed her to make her a bag
Whose mouth has been gagged
A slum bag filled with punches
Wearied with abuses in bunches
Despised punching bag!

Lengthy love letters turned assassination letters
Man-handled by the man who gave her love's handle
Love remains blind till it gains sight
Woobag's face tells the story when his fury kindle
Who will bring you down from that scary height?

Fair face turned blue
Kicks and slaps await you on a queue
Upon your monster's punch tune
You disappear in a ruin

Your monster
The master in feminine batter
Who like a lobster
Clinched your soul with claws till it splatter

Your phlegm-trickling nose seeds
Watch the master's deeds
Innocence robbed
Will there ever be a refund?

You await the right time and cry in a bag
You may not become an old hag
Till your bridled tongue you wag.

The chronicles of a Jackobian

9:30 pm

I was sure to get there faster if I followed the bush path. It was late but a girl has to do what she's got to do. Those lousy girls in my room back at the hostel would never allow me read, all they ever did was discuss about the latest jamz on trace urban, their boyfriends and the trending hair extensions. If they thought themselves to be some Hollywood celebrities. I was big, bold, beautiful and blessed with brains. The student affairs official that had allocated that room to me was certainly high on something when he did the allocation and I am sure it was something pretty cheap like snuff or local gun powder. I had a target of hitting 5.0 on the CGPA scale that semester and for those girls to think that they could stand in my way. They were on a mission to nowhere. I came here for a purpose and if they came here to waste their time and money..... every mallam with him own kettle.

I took the next turn and transversed down the bush path. I adjusted my glasses to see bett…

Have you been tested for the FVJ syndrome?

Oh! You are here already? Welcome to Ifeatu's Havillah. FVJ is the biggest disease rocking the earth right now. What if I don't need to test you and know you already have it? Don't worry I won't keep you waiting for long like you are waiting on an HIV test, that will be too mean.

So, does it beat you how ugly looking people seem to have beautiful and amazing virtues or characters? How soft some fierce looking people can be deep inside? How tiny some fat people's voices could sound? If we take on FVJ, these things may have been considered to be contrary. It's all because they are not subject to Face Value Judgment (FVJ).

In a world where every Tom, Dike and Hauwa are driven by sight, its very easy to be given to FVJ. Observing the outward appearance is good but take time to study the inward path of things too.

In business negotiation, daily life choices, relationship, execution of task and a whole lot of other things, you need more than Face Value Judgment. Be e…

Long Walk Away from Home

Stephanie was the product of my eight years
long walk away from home. I eloped from my
shame and pain for that long. My mother said
my unwanted pregnancy was due to the fact
that I was uncircumcised, that uncircumcised
girls are promiscuous.
“When are we going to see Granny?” Steph
would ask.
I would lift her up in my arms. “Soon, Baby.
I decided to take the route back to the same
place I had left eight years ago. I couldn’t take
Steph because I was not sure of the reactions
that awaited me.
Things had changed a lot, I heard a filter of my
music play in a local bar. My people liked my
music but probably not my personality.
Mama looked a bit older now, her eyes still had
her sparks and her body was still in form
despite her age, she embraced me like the
prodigal child and we wept.
She was elated to see me.
“…and where is my grandchild?”, she asked.
I looked away. “I couldn’t come with her.”
She shook her head. “You didn’t do well.”
My homecoming was the cause of great

Don't take them to your grave

Did I hear you say you don't have a grave? Everyone will have one someday but make sure you don't go there with excess luggage. A saying says "The richest place is the grave". That is because there are a lot of intelligent decayed brains mixed with humus and sky-towering dreams that slipped away without being worked upon.

So you have a dream? And you need to achieve certain goals to acquire that dream but you are doing nothing about it at the moment. So, I ask again why do you intend to go there with excess luggage.

Its a choice to pursue your dreams and if you do, you will be glad you did. Start working towards that thing you imagine when drinking your malt that makes you smile and slip out your tongue as you lap up the froth sitting over the black tasty liquid.

Make your goals SMART: Specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and timely. Your goals are tiny bullets you can shoot at your dreams till you finally gun her down.

You have no reason not to achieve your dr…

Once upon Taurus's shore

The east wind had been dragging our sail backward. "Man your oars", I would hear Marcus yell from time to time. The tired men kept our ship sailing despite their famished frames, we had exhausted our stock of food. The only thing keeping us hopeful and optimistic was the thought of getting to Taurus mountain. We had to show these senseless beings who had abducted our people that we were no weaklings. We were going to save our mothers, brothers, sisters, wives and children no matter the situation.

 Linus sat uprightly at the stern of the ship inhaling and exhaling the fresh Mediterranean breeze as he ate something with a jagged knife. He masticated like a goat. Other crew members on board had rumored that he often caught birds in the air, plucked out their eyes and munched on it. Was I surprised? Never! After all his mother was a Barbarian.

Evaristus was also on board. A wanted bandit and convicted man. The escaped one who ought to have been beheaded for treason in Rome. …

The saved wretch

Noon melts the morning dew
Discarded me becomes brand new
Grace that renewed my path and pace
My treadmill walk turns a track race

I was the defiled
Whose ills filled a file
Whose story tasted of bile
Who yearned for cleansing from the Nile

I was the ball
Fired by the Most Violent Player
The Striker that strikes the strenghtless
A goal headed for doom's post

Yet I am the one washed in blood
Who radiates light
A survivor of hurricane 'Transgression'
Saved by the kings passion on the cross

I am the gift wrapped in the king's love
Shielded from Lucifer's tinkling gloved finger
The tempter thought my stay would linger
But who lives in mars and continually sits on a stove?

iWash laundry service begins operation

He greeted the guests as they waited outside the
cathedral. The wedding mass was set for 10:00am,
the atmosphere was light and joyous. It seemed
like everyone knew someone here. Then a little
boy emerged from the crowd screaming "Uncle
Maxxy! Uncle Maxxy!
The groom beamed a broad smile and embraced
his little nephew.
"Where is your mum?, he asked.
The little boy pointed in the direction, he ruffled
the sparse hair on the little lad's punk-styled
haircut then he scuttled away to play with the
other kids.
Ben, his bestman approached him with an
handkerchief. "Ol' boy I fear the hangover of
dancing to 'Oya dab' yesterday night at your
bachelor's eve has been reflected on your jacket.
The groom's face and eye brows twitched in brief
confusion. "Your nephew just dabbed his
chocolate hands on your jacket", Ben broke the
"Jeeeeeez! What am I gonna do?" The groom
"Let's have it taken to a dry cleaner", Ben

The things that happen on the high way

He pushed the window back to receive fresh air
as the bus sped off the wet road.
His face wore a reminiscent smile as he thought
about all the activities and events that had
happened at the Orientation Camp: the new set
of people he had come to call friends, the
numerous visits to the mammy market, the
early morning drills and the endurance trek.
He slid his finger across the screen of his mobile
phone, going through the pictures that he had
taken during the period.
His face beamed with smiles.
The bus halted for a passenger to alight.
He called out to a hawker across the road.
Without minding to look out well for
approaching vehicles, the young boy sped
across the road to sell his wares.
“Always look well before crossing the road,” he
said to the boy as he paid him for what he
The boy nodded, hastily—he was more
concerned in collecting the money he was
extending and passing him his change.
Without warning, the driver zoomed off and the
poor boy had to complete the transaction…

Revenge strategies against your Thomases and haters

Now, before you say '"Tufiakwa! God forbid, I am a christian". For your information, I am not a muslim either....Lol.

Who is a hater? In my own definition, a hater is a tool that spurs you to higher heights and unknowingly is your biggest fan.

Now do you have that person who sees you as a never-do-well? Who envies you and slashes you to pieces with just his or her tongue?

Hmmmm.... Yea, I can see your anger fueling and your muscles twitching as we prepare for revenge but take a chill pill and exhale. We won't need to get into the gym and have our muscles grinded in push-up's.

The best revenge for such folks is to get better at what you do. Add more to what you have already done. Be so good at what you do that they will have no other option than to celebrate you unawares. They would look at you with glinted eyes and follow you like the fly follows dung simply because they have no option.

As for the Thomases, they will be forced to believe in you.

So when you think…

Altering the default setting

I once belonged to a school of thought that says that one ought to know evil before you deduce what is good. Now, I tell myself that I was wrong.
Sometimes we sow and nurture idealologies only to find out that they were wrong, so what do you do when that happens? Drop it in the trash can.

Do you remember the Lassar fever scare? Yes! You do. Everyone fled from our beloved garri as if it was leprosy.
It was at this point that I had the greatest craving to drink garri, mind you its not like it was something I loved to consume but the crave came with a very strong force.

Lessons I picked from this include that man is rebellious and that you cannot crave for what you don't have an idea about especially in my context.

Let me show you something;
Genesis 3:5 -  For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.

Genesis 3:7-  And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sew…

Ekwensu's Harvest

Episode 9
The three men walked in silence, each of them absorbed in their thoughts. Ekwensu struggled to drag the stubborn goat who seemed reluctant to continue the journey.
"Mmeeeeeee! Mmeeeeee!" It would bleat at intervals and resist the pulling force of Ekwensu's hands.
Anyanwu and Amadioha cast their glances at their friend and his struggle with the goat and burst out in laughter.
"Ekwe! I am beginning to wonder if you are the one dragging the goat or if the goat is actually dragging you", Anyanwu teased.
Ekwensu hissed and let out a growl, "This goat is too stubborn".
Amadioha chuckled, "That is why it is a goat".  "Let's exchange", he handed Ekwe the palmwine gourd and collected the rope encircled around the goat's neck. Anyanwu carried the tuber of yams tied together with taut strings of raffia rope.
"Ehen! Amadi, you better not stand like an iroko tree today o ...... You must show Ikuku that we are known for ma…

Upgrade Avaible! Do you need one?

Have you ever been complimented with the words "Forever young". In the sense of fashion and looks, it seems glamorous but if you are not scared of aging with grace, it should keep you thinking. You need that growth.

Once in a while you recharge your mobile phone and upgrade the old version of your anti-virus, facebook, whats app or black berry messenger app, that is a nice thing to do. So you upgrade your software and applications then sit like Humpty-Dumpty on a wall without an upgrade for yourself? Receive my sympathy.

Every season, young energetic players spring up in the world of soccer but the older lions like Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo are not chased back into the jungle because they are constantly engaged in training and upgrading themselves. No matter how good you are at what you do, everyone needs an upgrade.
It could come in form of reading, carrying out research work, more hours of practice, creating a larger network (your network often directs your net wo…

Ekwensu's Harvest

Episode 8

Ekwensu tip-toed through the bushy path and looked in every angle to
avoid being spotted. As he got to the end of the bush path, he heard a
rustle and turned around in fright but there was no one or anything in
sight. He proceeded to walk down the path.

"Hiyaaaaaa!", that was all he heard and felt strong arms grip him from behind.

"Ewo! Biko!", he yelled.

The strong arms lifted him and tossed him on the ground nearly
breaking his bones.

"Why have you been avoiding me, Ekwe?", the voice sounded as familiar
as his own.

"Amadi! Please, I am sorry", he pleaded.

"You will only be sorry when I am done with you", Amadi spat in
infuriation. "Why didn't you confirm it before you  told  me and made
a fool out of me.

He pulled his arm behind his back and Ekwe winced in pain. He managed
to slip from Amadioha's grip and took to his heels like a scared
rabbit. Amadi chased him with furious energy while panting like a

The escape route

His boss was a pain in the butt. She would complain about everything, he had thought about resigning countless times but he was yet to get a better offer.
Women! Women! Trouble and ingratitude is all you get from them. He banged his fists like a maniac against his steering and the horns blared out horribly. He was unaware of the scene he had just created as other drivers stuck in the traffic and passersby cast their odd gaze at him. He realized what his actions had caused then covered it up with a wave of hand and feigned smile.

An hour later, he was driving down his street. The air conditioner blew cool air yet his palms were sweaty. The traffic jam at Mile 2 had been three straight hours of frustration. Soon he drove into his compound, he saw her sitting at their doorstep.

"Not tonight", he muttered.

He turned off the ignition then advanced to the doorstep.

"Why didn't you sleep there?" She lashed out.

He took a deep breathe. "Baby, please not tonight, …

The head hunters

It seemed like the breeze had gone on recess, the atmosphere was hot. As hot as the coals one would use to roast corn and the sun shone as bright as if it was the last day it was supposed to appear. Chants, chatters and loud voices beckoning to the customers filled the air as men; women and children bought and sold their wares. The smell of smoked fish and probably grinded pepper tickled a customer’s nostril and she let out a loud monstrous sneeze, the little girls hawking sachet water for sale in basins glanced at her and giggled.

  A tall plump woman walked past mama Ekene’s stall and she beckoned on her “madam, come make I sell ugu for you”, the intending customer came close to mama Ekene’s stall, looked opposite and sighted a bunch of ugu that looked more fresh than the one she was about to buy.

“Customer! I go sell well, my own fresh pass that one”, the tiny looking woman opposite mama Ekene’s stall beckoned on the woman and within a blink of an eye, the woman swerved and headed…

How to tame your dragons

Let's say I walk into your office angrily, then grab your pen from your hands and leave (You were actually writing before I did that). Will you react or respond?
Are you still thinking about the answer? Please respond, don't react. Responding is a calculated form of dealing with issues or action.

Jesus knows this and applied it better.

Check out (Matt 8:24-25) 24 And, behold, there arose a great tempest in the sea, insomuch that the ship was covered with the waves: but he was asleep. 25 And his disciples came to him, and awoke him, saying, Lord, save us: we perish.

He could have screamed "Jesus!" but how can he even scream his own or scream "daddy!" and have God cover his face in shame and say "Oh my! Now look at what this boy is doing.

Instead this was his response to the situation

(Matt8:26-27) 26 And he saith unto them, Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.

One fifty five (1:55)

Ever since I moved to Lagos, I had looked for a place to be perfectly comfortable for me. All the previous places I had lived in always had one fault or the other that made them not just my 'perfect place'. Lately, my agent informed me about a new self-contained apartment, the building had good security, constant water supply and the electricity was not too bad for a Nigerian to manage as they say 'E go better'.

As fast as the Wi-fi in University of Nigeria Nsukka, I had paid the rent and moved in. So now each morning as I knot my tie and carry my brief case, I hold my head high. A cool residential area and house has a way of lifting your spirit and I now had this feeling of one living in El-dorado.

The week had been tedious, so I came back today from work with so much to be done and the deadline hanging loosely like an hangman's noose and waiting to strangle me. My fingers pranced like an antelope on the run on my Apple laptop keyboard while my middle finger pres…

Ekwensu's Harvest

Episode 7

The stream obviously had no visitors that evening, the breeze was cool and the weeping willows close to the stream danced to the rhythm of the whistling wind. Anyanwu sat on the tree stump waiting for Ani, he had waited for long but was beginning to get impatient.
He stooped then picked fine-shaped pebbles and began to play a 'throw and catch' game, after the second round he began to lose hope. He paced around the bushy area nervously then he sat again, "Chukwu, how do I keep my heart still if she does not show up?", he soliloquized. "For the first time in my life, I feel that if a negative response lies ahead, my happiness may be marred", he continued.

Soon he paced a little more and looked up at the tree top and sighted two birds chirping in their nest, "I wish I could have a bond like yours but .........."

"But my heart beats with the same rhythm as yours", she announced as she interrupted him.

The look of uncertainity on hi…

How to be King Midas

Once upon a time when your throat got dry and you needed a refill, you 'd ask "Do you have Limca or Goldspot?". The folks of this new generation may think Goldspot is a name of a high ranking hangout but it's actually an old orange flavored drink like your Fanta, unfortunately its no longer sold and the reasons are best known to the manufacturers. She is that extinct sister of Brother Limca.

   I never liked the taste..... but guess what? I loved the commercial, everytime it aired on TV, I would fly over all the sofas to barge into the sitting room only to see it.

  Gold spot! The zing thing
  Gold spot! The zing thing
  Gold spot! Tanananana, Gold spot!

Lol, that was the lyrics of the commercial.

  Now,everybody hopes to strike gold someday, yea I know you are not a miner. The gold signifies your dreams but how long will it take you to get to your 'Gold spot'. I see it all over your face, you are not certain then why not be like King Midas.

King Midas is …