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The murder of Miss Singaholic

I stretched my long frame on the entire lenght of my bed and my mind kept wandering as I waited for the flight to fantasy island. I was wondering how I had become this tall, as a kid I believed we grew taller when we are at sleep.

My gaze wandered around my dark room, clothes hung on the mobile wardrobe looking like blood-thirsty zombies, I laughed away the thought. Soon, I was about to board the long awaited flight then she sauntered into my room uninvitedly, I felt the presence of another fellow in my subconcious then opened my eyes to behold her.

"Are the ear muffs, net-screened doors and long night gown despite the terrible heat all objects to herald my coming?", she teased in her sing-song voice as she pranced about delightedly.
"How did you gain entrance in here, miss Singaholic?", I shot back at her with my best sleepy but blood-shot eyes.

She laughed heartily, "I go wherever I want to, you must be a dummy to ask such a question".

I swallowed hard so as to subdue my annoyance, I hated my sleep being interrupted. The worse part was that I had to be at work by 7:00am tomorrow morning, I had never been an early bird and it was one of the reasons why I had decided to sleep on time so I could wake up early till this feminine lucifer foiled my plan. It was at this moment that I concurred with what my colleague had said about the devil being a woman.

"I don't intend to disturb your sleep, I just want to be close to you", she teased in her most girly tone as she rubbed her tiny legs against my skin, "I want you", she whispered.

"Want who?", I queried furiously, "Am not a man neither do I do lesbian relationships", I thundered.

She gave a deaf ear to my rantings as she drummed "I wanna be close to you, I wanna be close to you tonight" , melodiously into my ears.

I could feel my nerves twitch and my body quake with anger. If I don't sleep now, I won't be able to wake up early and might lose my job.
"Get out!", I yelled at her.

She looked at me with pity for a while then burst out in an hysterical laughter, "Catch me if you can", she sneered.
In mad fury, I chased her out of the room, I waited to hear her voice again but the coast was clear, I dusted my palms for a job well done, beamed a smile and slipped into bed.

"Not so quick, darling", she whispered and fled. I let out a grunt that could break a louvre, my skin had turned red and my sense of reasoning darkened with fury. I lifted the insecticide can but It was empty, I dashed out for a broom and awaited her next flimsy visit. It seemed even nature had joined to war against me as I hit my dozing head against the bed-side lamp then I decided to sleep.

"Poor little thing" she sang into my cochlea, I waved a sleep-induced smack and she ducked. She was really enjoying her pranks then suspended in the air, she peered through my face probably to have a better view of my awakening state and I crushed her tiny frame and proboscis in a single clap of my hands splattering blood on my palms.

"I didn't intend to give you malaria", she writhed in pain before dying.
"....and I didn't have to wait for you to transmit it", I muttered, then cuddled my pillow and prepared to snore.

©Andrew Ifeatu Jennifer, 2016
Twitter: @jennieifeatu



  1. Heard that melodious voice too. Just haven't been lucky in the killing department

    1. Iyke, I may really need to take you on Killing by clapping

  2. Lol. Nice comical piece.


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