Skip to main content

The murder of Miss Singaholic

I stretched my long frame on the entire lenght of my bed and my mind kept wandering as I waited for the flight to fantasy island. I was wondering how I had become this tall, as a kid I believed we grew taller when we are at sleep.

My gaze wandered around my dark room, clothes hung on the mobile wardrobe looking like blood-thirsty zombies, I laughed away the thought. Soon, I was about to board the long awaited flight then she sauntered into my room uninvitedly, I felt the presence of another fellow in my subconcious then opened my eyes to behold her.

"Are the ear muffs, net-screened doors and long night gown despite the terrible heat all objects to herald my coming?", she teased in her sing-song voice as she pranced about delightedly.
"How did you gain entrance in here, miss Singaholic?", I shot back at her with my best sleepy but blood-shot eyes.

She laughed heartily, "I go wherever I want to, you must be a dummy to ask such a question".

I swallowed hard so as to subdue my annoyance, I hated my sleep being interrupted. The worse part was that I had to be at work by 7:00am tomorrow morning, I had never been an early bird and it was one of the reasons why I had decided to sleep on time so I could wake up early till this feminine lucifer foiled my plan. It was at this moment that I concurred with what my colleague had said about the devil being a woman.

"I don't intend to disturb your sleep, I just want to be close to you", she teased in her most girly tone as she rubbed her tiny legs against my skin, "I want you", she whispered.

"Want who?", I queried furiously, "Am not a man neither do I do lesbian relationships", I thundered.

She gave a deaf ear to my rantings as she drummed "I wanna be close to you, I wanna be close to you tonight" , melodiously into my ears.

I could feel my nerves twitch and my body quake with anger. If I don't sleep now, I won't be able to wake up early and might lose my job.
"Get out!", I yelled at her.

She looked at me with pity for a while then burst out in an hysterical laughter, "Catch me if you can", she sneered.
In mad fury, I chased her out of the room, I waited to hear her voice again but the coast was clear, I dusted my palms for a job well done, beamed a smile and slipped into bed.

"Not so quick, darling", she whispered and fled. I let out a grunt that could break a louvre, my skin had turned red and my sense of reasoning darkened with fury. I lifted the insecticide can but It was empty, I dashed out for a broom and awaited her next flimsy visit. It seemed even nature had joined to war against me as I hit my dozing head against the bed-side lamp then I decided to sleep.

"Poor little thing" she sang into my cochlea, I waved a sleep-induced smack and she ducked. She was really enjoying her pranks then suspended in the air, she peered through my face probably to have a better view of my awakening state and I crushed her tiny frame and proboscis in a single clap of my hands splattering blood on my palms.

"I didn't intend to give you malaria", she writhed in pain before dying.
"....and I didn't have to wait for you to transmit it", I muttered, then cuddled my pillow and prepared to snore.

©Andrew Ifeatu Jennifer, 2016
Twitter: @jennieifeatu


#Like
#Share
#Comment
#WarAgainstMosquitoes
#MOMS

Comments

  1. Heard that melodious voice too. Just haven't been lucky in the killing department

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Iyke, I may really need to take you on Killing by clapping 101....lol

      Delete
  2. Lol. Nice comical piece.

    ayandola.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

WHY I WON'T BE BUYING ANYTHING AGAIN FOR A LIFETIME

Heads up, people! 

Walking into a shop to purchase an item does not look appealing to me anymore. This is one of my decisions for the new year being that if something is not worth it then there is no point buying it especially trying to impress another fellow. 

I have chosen to stick to buying experiences rather 'things.' One of my observation is that experiences cannot be stolen or compromised. They stick like your gum sap sticks to a tree. 

So maybe before you buy that expensive Emporio Armani wristwatch or Jimmy Choo shoes, it might be imperative to checkmate if there are experiences that same amout can buy you. Don't get me wrong, it is as clear as crystal that you need to shop for clothings, food, phones or luxury from time to time but bear in mind that your happiness can't be tied to any item. That vibe you get is nothing but a fleeting one . 

“One of the enemies of  happiness is adaptation,” Thomas Gilovich reveals. “We buy things to make us happy, and we succeed. B…

NEXT BIG THING: CREATING A NEW WORLD THROUGH MY LENS - KINGSLEY AGORUA

Jim Rohn had his opinion that "If you don't like where you, change it. You are not a tree." Kingsley Agorua had looked around where he found himself and decided to change it to suit his taste through his lens.

My earliest contact with Kingsley should have been in 2012 when I was a student at the Federal University of Technology, Owerri. I spotted him at an event on campus where he was taking photographs.

Little did I know that I would bump into him again at my faculty - The School of Health as a student. I was curious as to what a photographer was doing in my faculty during lecture period. Time will reveal that he was a student too who was madly in love with his camera. This was all before the advent of traditional or nearly compulsory bridal showers, baby showers and pre-wedding shoots in the Nigerian Creative Industry.


Kingsley Agorua is a cinematographer with years of experience from Oguta in Imo state. He studied Dental Technology at the Federal University of Techno…

Valentine for all times

"He just had to go", I yelled inside of me. Dele was too bossy and proud,the rest of the staff looked up to me to ensure he was fired. All I had to do was pull the manager into my seductive web and by morning, Dele would get his termination letter. Anyone who stood in my way always got burnt, I loved to revenge passionately and Dele was certainly not a sacred cow.

The subsequent monday was my birthday, I was hoping there would be a suprise cake or party for me but no soul even wished me a happy birthday. Work went on as every other normal day.
I bent to open my drawer then I saw a parcel with a note attached to it:

I boss you because I want you to be the boss
I have admired you since the day I knew you
Work has to get better but don't ever try to change you.
Lots of love
Dele.

I wept like a baby, that was the only gift I got that day.
Dele was not sacked and they are now proud parents of three kids.

Don't you just love to love? #winks.
Love everyone, everyday!
Happy…