Skip to main content

IFEATU'S BUS CHRONICLES: THE YELLOW BUS IS A BATTLEFIELD PREPARATORY ARENA


One of the things you won't be told about sleeping on a Sunday night while listening to Bradley Cooper and Gaga's Shallow is that you will be waking to a blaring alarm and the busy Lagos roads on a Monday. 

It had rained the previous night. The weather is obviously cold. Take a bike and you will  alight with your teeth clattering while your body shivers. So, you take a bus with a mind ready to tackle whatever lurks on the road. 

The road is abnormally free. I am still wondering If I slept past Monday into a Tuesday. 

The passengers are all calm till a lanky guy dressed in brown chinos, a cream coloured shirt to match and black heavy boots makes his way into the bus to sit by me. 

He has his earphones tucked in his ears. 

"Yes?" The conductor says in his hoarse voice after a couple of minutes. The young man casts a rather blank gaze at him and continues to listen to whatever was tingling his ears from the speaker of his phone. 

"Yes?" uttered by a bus conductor in a Lagos bus is certainly not an affirmation. It's an urging for you to dip your hands in your pocket and pay your fare. Call it an undocumented culture and you won't be far from the truth. 

Clearly, the young man was new in town. "You have to tell me to pay and not say yes," he tries to correct the conductor in his Hausa mingled accent. His English is clean and sleek with a lace of that recognizable Hausa smear. It's the way educated northerners speak, I have heard it countless times from the fine broadcasters on NTA, from my friends Muaz and Abdul. Everytime, I hear it, I recognize it. 

My gaze stray to his fingers. They are well groomed just about the way our northern brothers would. I have a hidden ability of stating where people originate from by looking at their fingers. 
Weird thing, I know but it's true. 

"E funmi owo joor," the conductor yells from the corner of the bus where he hangs his plump tall frame like the flag poles you would effortlessly spot at embassies and consulates. 

"Excuse me, I will give you. Your bus is tight," Mr Northern brother replies with slight irritation. 

Brother Conductor was slightly not going to keep calm without a fight. He cursed and swore in Yoruba and 'Mr Polished Northern Brother' cursed right back in English and Hausa. 

The driver, an elderly man had been quiet all the while. 

"Him go give you, leave am," he urged his conductor. We ride amidst the passengers murmuring about who was at fault and who wasn't while I was scoring the two 'bus titans.'

"Eko Hotel o wa o," Mr Northern Brother informs the driver. The bus gets to the gate of the popular Eko Hotel, makes an abrupt halt and he alights handing his fare to the conductor. 

The conductor has an angry look on his face but I have my scores. There was no point of putting up a fight. If they made an attempt to fight, Mr Nothern brother would grind those tiny toes of the conductor with the sole of this 'caterpillar boots'.

Nothern Brother 1 Vs Conductor 0 . 



Comments

  1. Well written.

    Looking forward to another awesome piece.

    Kudos Jennifer

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nnamdi, thank you for reading. I am glad it suits your reading pleasure.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

WHY I WON'T BE BUYING ANYTHING AGAIN FOR A LIFETIME

Heads up, people! 

Walking into a shop to purchase an item does not look appealing to me anymore. This is one of my decisions for the new year being that if something is not worth it then there is no point buying it especially trying to impress another fellow. 

I have chosen to stick to buying experiences rather 'things.' One of my observation is that experiences cannot be stolen or compromised. They stick like your gum sap sticks to a tree. 

So maybe before you buy that expensive Emporio Armani wristwatch or Jimmy Choo shoes, it might be imperative to checkmate if there are experiences that same amout can buy you. Don't get me wrong, it is as clear as crystal that you need to shop for clothings, food, phones or luxury from time to time but bear in mind that your happiness can't be tied to any item. That vibe you get is nothing but a fleeting one . 

“One of the enemies of  happiness is adaptation,” Thomas Gilovich reveals. “We buy things to make us happy, and we succeed. B…

NEXT BIG THING: CREATING A NEW WORLD THROUGH MY LENS - KINGSLEY AGORUA

Jim Rohn had his opinion that "If you don't like where you, change it. You are not a tree." Kingsley Agorua had looked around where he found himself and decided to change it to suit his taste through his lens.

My earliest contact with Kingsley should have been in 2012 when I was a student at the Federal University of Technology, Owerri. I spotted him at an event on campus where he was taking photographs.

Little did I know that I would bump into him again at my faculty - The School of Health as a student. I was curious as to what a photographer was doing in my faculty during lecture period. Time will reveal that he was a student too who was madly in love with his camera. This was all before the advent of traditional or nearly compulsory bridal showers, baby showers and pre-wedding shoots in the Nigerian Creative Industry.


Kingsley Agorua is a cinematographer with years of experience from Oguta in Imo state. He studied Dental Technology at the Federal University of Techno…

Valentine for all times

"He just had to go", I yelled inside of me. Dele was too bossy and proud,the rest of the staff looked up to me to ensure he was fired. All I had to do was pull the manager into my seductive web and by morning, Dele would get his termination letter. Anyone who stood in my way always got burnt, I loved to revenge passionately and Dele was certainly not a sacred cow.

The subsequent monday was my birthday, I was hoping there would be a suprise cake or party for me but no soul even wished me a happy birthday. Work went on as every other normal day.
I bent to open my drawer then I saw a parcel with a note attached to it:

I boss you because I want you to be the boss
I have admired you since the day I knew you
Work has to get better but don't ever try to change you.
Lots of love
Dele.

I wept like a baby, that was the only gift I got that day.
Dele was not sacked and they are now proud parents of three kids.

Don't you just love to love? #winks.
Love everyone, everyday!
Happy…