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IFEATU'S BUS CHRONICLE: GAME PADS ARE THE NEW STEERINGS



The popular saying when you go to Rome you behave like the Romans does not apply at Lagos Bus Stops when you are new in town.

Opting to ask another responsible looking passenger on the routes a bus conductor is calling out is more advisable than rushing with the mad throng of passengers with the hope that you heard him clearly. This is also what led a friend of mine who had been new in town to board the wrong bus.

The young man was standing enthusiastically for the first time at the popular Iyana-Iba axis as the bus conductor yelled, "Seme! Seme!"

He could bet on his life that he had heard 'CMS!' The rest of the story is being told in our family jokes of how this fellow ended up at Seme, just thirty minutes from Badagry on the coastal road between Lagos and Cotonou.

The bus conductors are rapping the routes they are headed to as usual. I am aboard the 'yellow bus' heading to CMS. I am engrossed with replying messages. Having a long list of messages to reply to is frightening and that is why a stitch in time saves nine.

Procrastinating your supposed actions come with consequences. I am facing mine. As much as people think I am always on my phone, there are days I honestly feel too sore to have my fast and furious fingers prancing like an excited rabbit on my phone.

I lift my face to observe the people around me. The lady in cornrows by side is snopping over my phone. I am tempted to hand her the phone and ask her to serve herself of whatever she wants to see.

Savagery? Did you think of me being a savage? Every Nigerian has an atom of savagery, it's like an inbuilt attribute.

I close my eyes and make a mental note of what I need to do. The bus is moving at a higher speed.

"Driver, you don dey drive like say na you get main road," a plump lady in a navy blue suit warns.

"If you wan die, abeg go die alone o," another lanky bald-headed man is yelling.

I am praying that this mad driver doesn't get us killed. Passengers are screaming obscenities. The road is free of traffic. It was one reason why he was speeding to get to his destination and return for a subsequent trip.

One of the many things you don't know about Lagos roads is that the drivers think in their heads that they are playing a Grand Theft Auto game and as for the bike riders, they are playing a Subway Surf game.

We approach Costain and the minor traffic is building up in front. He decelerates and I heave a sigh of relief. Vehicles are moving at a snail pace. The passengers are calm with just a few still heaping insults on the driver.

He does not reply them instead he increases the volume of his stereo.

Passenger 1 Vs  Driver 0

Safety 1 Vs  Reckless Driving 0

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