Skip to main content

IFEATU'S BUS CHRONICLES: ENGLISH AND MATHS ALSO RIDE ON THE YELLOW BUS



It's been raining Elephants and Hippopotamus since last week in Lagos. Today is not a different day either. I take my seat between two big men.

One of the things you should never do during the raining season is to sit by the window of the bus. Chances are if the window has a malfunctioning slide, water will drip on you (If you didn't know this before, drop me a thank you note😏).

Our ride is smooth and cold. Everyone is minding their business and obviously trying to get warm.

The Bus Conductor is abnormally hyperactive. His hoarse voice and prancing about like a mini giant is a sight to behold. I am amused but I am too cold to really observe him well.

The bus pulls up at Coker for a passenger to alight and another one boards.

The driver's stereo is playing gospel songs. This guy must be heavenly, he definitely knows how to start the week. We pull up at Orile again and the hyperactive conductor prances to the driver's window to hand him some naira notes that he had folded horizontally.

"Guy, come! E never complete" The driver informs his conductor.

"Na everything I give you so," he shoots back.

"For two trips?" The driver asked looking dazed.

"Oga, no dey use witch disturb me this morning. I don give you all the money wey dey my hand." The conductor insists.

Don't tell me rubbish. I know maths pass you" The driver yells.

"No wonder you no understand English wey I dey blow give you."

It's drizzling.  I am hoping the drama does not extend and binge on my time. If there is one intangible thing I value, it's time.

The driver is vexed. He opens the door and alights. His hands are firm on the conductor's trousers and he is yelling "Oya, give me my money."

Passengers are gradually alighting and helping to separate the conductor from his driver's grip. The driver is refusing to let go. His fingers are clasped around the young man's trousers and he is forcefully yanking it down his thighs.

Crumbled naira notes are falling from his inner shorts. The driver notices it and lands a deafening slap on his cheek.

"Ole! No be today you don dey thief my money" He seals his words with another slap.

Passersby are rushing to the scene. There is a crowd roundabout them trying to calm the situation. The conductor manages to pull away from his grip and breaks through the crowd in a fierce sprint.

"My money still dey him knicker" The plump driver wails.  A group of touts race after him but we all know chasing him is a lost battle.

You lose some battles and win some.

Driver 1 Vs Conductor 1

English 1 Vs Maths 1

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

WHY I WON'T BE BUYING ANYTHING AGAIN FOR A LIFETIME

Heads up, people! 

Walking into a shop to purchase an item does not look appealing to me anymore. This is one of my decisions for the new year being that if something is not worth it then there is no point buying it especially trying to impress another fellow. 

I have chosen to stick to buying experiences rather 'things.' One of my observation is that experiences cannot be stolen or compromised. They stick like your gum sap sticks to a tree. 

So maybe before you buy that expensive Emporio Armani wristwatch or Jimmy Choo shoes, it might be imperative to checkmate if there are experiences that same amout can buy you. Don't get me wrong, it is as clear as crystal that you need to shop for clothings, food, phones or luxury from time to time but bear in mind that your happiness can't be tied to any item. That vibe you get is nothing but a fleeting one . 

“One of the enemies of  happiness is adaptation,” Thomas Gilovich reveals. “We buy things to make us happy, and we succeed. B…

NEXT BIG THING: CREATING A NEW WORLD THROUGH MY LENS - KINGSLEY AGORUA

Jim Rohn had his opinion that "If you don't like where you, change it. You are not a tree." Kingsley Agorua had looked around where he found himself and decided to change it to suit his taste through his lens.

My earliest contact with Kingsley should have been in 2012 when I was a student at the Federal University of Technology, Owerri. I spotted him at an event on campus where he was taking photographs.

Little did I know that I would bump into him again at my faculty - The School of Health as a student. I was curious as to what a photographer was doing in my faculty during lecture period. Time will reveal that he was a student too who was madly in love with his camera. This was all before the advent of traditional or nearly compulsory bridal showers, baby showers and pre-wedding shoots in the Nigerian Creative Industry.


Kingsley Agorua is a cinematographer with years of experience from Oguta in Imo state. He studied Dental Technology at the Federal University of Techno…

Valentine for all times

"He just had to go", I yelled inside of me. Dele was too bossy and proud,the rest of the staff looked up to me to ensure he was fired. All I had to do was pull the manager into my seductive web and by morning, Dele would get his termination letter. Anyone who stood in my way always got burnt, I loved to revenge passionately and Dele was certainly not a sacred cow.

The subsequent monday was my birthday, I was hoping there would be a suprise cake or party for me but no soul even wished me a happy birthday. Work went on as every other normal day.
I bent to open my drawer then I saw a parcel with a note attached to it:

I boss you because I want you to be the boss
I have admired you since the day I knew you
Work has to get better but don't ever try to change you.
Lots of love
Dele.

I wept like a baby, that was the only gift I got that day.
Dele was not sacked and they are now proud parents of three kids.

Don't you just love to love? #winks.
Love everyone, everyday!
Happy…