Skip to main content

IFEATU'S BUS CHRONICLE: CHOP OR GET CHOPPED IN THE YELLOW BUS


I am one of the small fraction of people who could show at your office on a Monday, wearing my sneakers and beaming the biggest smile because I feel extremely comfortable.

This was perhaps the same mindset of the conductor in my bus this morning. The conductor is a lady dressed in brown combat shorts, a  black polo and a black baseball cap to match.

No, she didn't have a coarse voice but the way she went about canvassing for passengers and helping them with their luggage made the job look graceful.

For a second, I forgot everything I ever knew about being a conductor in Lagos. This is one of the many surprises, Lagos gifts you.

To shock you further, the lady conductor's husband was the driver. We were in an official 'Family Bus.'

I was running late. I took intermittent glances at my wristwatch. This was definitely not the mornings that I could boast of being an early bird. My body had succumbed to the 'body no be firewood' gimmick.  Few more minutes into the time and the sprinting bus pulled up at the junction in front of us to allow a middle aged man in a military uniform.

The bus eased forward on the remnant of the once tarred road, taking turns to dabble into pot holes till it got on a smoother surface.  "Your money!" The conductor stretched her palms and passengers graced her palms with their naira notes.

"Oga, your money!" she stretched her palms towards the man dressed in a military uniform.

"I be officer. Abi, you no look me? he shot back at her.

"Leave am, na officer" her husband pacified her.

In Lagos, there is an unwritten law that a Military or Paramilitary officer is entitled to a free ride. Drivers had used me during my NYSC period to scare agberos away.

"Officer dey here o," they 'd say. I would be dressed in my khaki and looking fierce. Yes, I am such a clown. One peep in the car by the Agberos and they scurried away. Some drivers and conductors were that mischievous.

 We drove for few more minutes then a familiar voice registered his alighting.

"Under bridge, o wa o" the military man announced and slided down the bus and hurriedly crossed over the road.

One fast glance at the man will tell you that the man was never a military man. He was just a mechanic wearing a branded automobile company shirt in black trousers, a beret, and bathroom slippers.

"Oga, come give me  my money. Ole!" the female conductor yelled.

The middle aged man stole a quick side-eye glance and hastened his steps.

"Hol' am!" a huge guy seated in the front seat hollered and the man took to his heels.

There was a roar of laughter but 'Aunty Conductor' was certainly not having it.


Fake Military Guy 1 Vs Aunty Conductor 0




Comments

Popular posts from this blog

WHY I WON'T BE BUYING ANYTHING AGAIN FOR A LIFETIME

Heads up, people! 

Walking into a shop to purchase an item does not look appealing to me anymore. This is one of my decisions for the new year being that if something is not worth it then there is no point buying it especially trying to impress another fellow. 

I have chosen to stick to buying experiences rather 'things.' One of my observation is that experiences cannot be stolen or compromised. They stick like your gum sap sticks to a tree. 

So maybe before you buy that expensive Emporio Armani wristwatch or Jimmy Choo shoes, it might be imperative to checkmate if there are experiences that same amout can buy you. Don't get me wrong, it is as clear as crystal that you need to shop for clothings, food, phones or luxury from time to time but bear in mind that your happiness can't be tied to any item. That vibe you get is nothing but a fleeting one . 

“One of the enemies of  happiness is adaptation,” Thomas Gilovich reveals. “We buy things to make us happy, and we succeed. B…

NEXT BIG THING: CREATING A NEW WORLD THROUGH MY LENS - KINGSLEY AGORUA

Jim Rohn had his opinion that "If you don't like where you, change it. You are not a tree." Kingsley Agorua had looked around where he found himself and decided to change it to suit his taste through his lens.

My earliest contact with Kingsley should have been in 2012 when I was a student at the Federal University of Technology, Owerri. I spotted him at an event on campus where he was taking photographs.

Little did I know that I would bump into him again at my faculty - The School of Health as a student. I was curious as to what a photographer was doing in my faculty during lecture period. Time will reveal that he was a student too who was madly in love with his camera. This was all before the advent of traditional or nearly compulsory bridal showers, baby showers and pre-wedding shoots in the Nigerian Creative Industry.


Kingsley Agorua is a cinematographer with years of experience from Oguta in Imo state. He studied Dental Technology at the Federal University of Techno…

Valentine for all times

"He just had to go", I yelled inside of me. Dele was too bossy and proud,the rest of the staff looked up to me to ensure he was fired. All I had to do was pull the manager into my seductive web and by morning, Dele would get his termination letter. Anyone who stood in my way always got burnt, I loved to revenge passionately and Dele was certainly not a sacred cow.

The subsequent monday was my birthday, I was hoping there would be a suprise cake or party for me but no soul even wished me a happy birthday. Work went on as every other normal day.
I bent to open my drawer then I saw a parcel with a note attached to it:

I boss you because I want you to be the boss
I have admired you since the day I knew you
Work has to get better but don't ever try to change you.
Lots of love
Dele.

I wept like a baby, that was the only gift I got that day.
Dele was not sacked and they are now proud parents of three kids.

Don't you just love to love? #winks.
Love everyone, everyday!
Happy…